I know its been forever since I wrote something on my blog, and its mainly because of work and all the wedding planning. But I was compelled to write today because I have spent this whole weekend arguing about this one topic “Revenge”.. It started on Saturday with a discussion around some family disputes and was fueled very strongly by last night’s announcement of Osama bin Laden’s being killed by the US troops.. I am glad that we have put an end to the leadership of Al Qaeda, but I don’t find myself jumping with joy.. And isn’t because I didn’t lose a loved one on 9/11, but its simply against my right mind to celebrate anyone’s death.. I may see people finding closure of some kind, but are we really that insensitive that we are rejoicing a man’s death, even if he was evil? A man who was killed after 10 years of hunting, spending millions of dollars, and killing millions of innocent people in the process? And lets not forget the millions of people who are unemployed in this country due to the millions of dollars that were spent elsewhere instead of improving the situation for their own citizens.. Was all this really worth it? I somehow don’t see the point, and I don’t understand if this crazy chase to kill one man was really worth it..
Now getting back to main point, did we all forget that Osama bin Laden became a terrorist because he was seeking revenge from the US after what they had done in Afghanistan to win another war against Russia? Was his revenge worth it? He killed 3000 people on 9/11, and instilled this grave fear in all our hearts which made us suspect the next muslim we ran into, or even the turbaned sikh who seemed pretty similar to an average mid-western american.. And we went back after him to seek revenge for 9/11, killing another millions.. So at what point is this cycle of revenge supposed to end? Is this is the purpose of our lives on the earth? To keeping going in these cycles of generations after generations seeking revenge? Today we killed bin Laden, tomorrow who knows in what form their revenge will come back? Is this the point of this life?
I don’t think so, and this also applies to our little ego battles and quarrels with our friends and families.. If one person wrongs you, you set out to avenge it by doing something stupid, and that kicks off this infinite loop of back and forth of ego-driven attacks.. What happened to striving to make peace? Maybe making peace with Al Qaeda sounds impossible to a lot of you, but how about starting with your own brothers and sisters, and friends that you have lost in this ego battle? And what about forgiveness? Even if you don’t believe in any religion, you still know that forgiveness is a virtue and ego a vice. And let me clarify, that I am not preaching, if there’s someone who knows ego, its me.. I have done a lot of stupid things in the rush of my ego that I now regret, but atleast I am trying to change my point of view.. I am trying to end any cycles of ego wars in my life and am reaching out to the ones I lost in this process.. And if I can do it, I have hope that others can too..
Lets get out of this revenge cycle, this ego battle, and embrace the life that we have been given.. Maybe I sound like a hippie from the 70s, but revenge and war will never do any good.. It will continue this cycle forever and we will simply end up being consumed by either getting back at someone, or in the fear of their retaliation.. If there’s anyone that can put an end to this, it is you..
I know it has been a while since I wrote anything up here, and it was mainly because of work and all the other things happening.. However, I did manage to read a couple books in the past 6 months, thanks to the Kindle and all that flight time..
Both books were by the same author Elizabeth Gilbert.. Her best selling book called “Eat, Pray, Love” and “Committed: A Skeptic makes peace with Marriage”.. And they both couldn’t have come at a better time in my life..
With life so busy that I was barely doing things I liked, taking care of myself, or spending time with loved ones, I had begun to question my life.. Did I really want to keep running this rat race for more money and better titles or was it time to slow down and take a different direction.. The fact that I was wrapping up my 20s also had me thinking about where I wanted to be in this upcoming decade of my life..
When I started reading EPL, I loved it instantly.. I have always loved books where the story revolves around a main female character but this was also very relatable.. From her heart wrenching divorce details and agony, to her deciding to take time off to travel, was all so inspiring.. Her time in Italy was so much fun and light hearted, but I think I enjoyed reading about her time in India the most.. And not because I’m Indian, but because I’m quite spiritual.. I have been reading and listening to spiritual teachers for quite some time.. What I found most amazing was how her meditation brought her peace.. That is one thing I have been searching for quite some time.. I feel that I have been consumed by my ambitions and have not been able to ever stop and smell the roses in a while.. On top of that, I feel like I have been holding on to a lot of anger towards some people over the last few years, and I seriously need to get rid of it.. The baggage of this anger, pain for lost friends & family was wearing me down.. And I was looking for some answers.. Anything to help me.. That’s why EPL really worked for me.. Its not like I have started meditating or anything, but I am paving the way in my lifestyle to make room for it.. I am constantly trying to empty my mind now which for some reason doesn’t come easy for me.. Reading about her stay in the Indian ashram really helped me understand the importance of clearing your head. I don’t know if I will ever experience the same high as Elizabeth, but I will definitely try..
“Committed” also came at a great time in my life since my feelings for the Institute of Marriage had been quite negative.. Even though Kunal and I had been dating for almost 2 years and I knew I wanted marriage eventually, I just didn’t know how it would be. I didn’t know if I would be good at it or would it ask for too many compromises off of me. It also made it very difficult for me to picture myself in one since I didn’t grow up seeing many married couples.. And I should also add that I still don’t see many happily married couples around me either. Plus my past experience of coming quite close to a bad one had left me with a very bad taste in my mouth.
In the book, Gilbert starts off by talking about the history of the institution and how it has been controlled and manipulated by the Church and the Government over the last several centuries. But how it still remains the most wanted thing by every human today, whether theirs is a conventional Man-Woman marriage or not.. She also studies marriages all over the world, and really breaks down what marriage really is for each culture.. She never judges anyone in spite of disagreeing with their ways.. She just simply states how it wouldn’t work for her. My most favorite chapter in the book is “Marriage and Women” because she discusses what role a woman has been playing in a marriage for the last few generations.. Through her interviews, you can see how her role has evolved over the last few decades. She calls today’s modern day marriage as a “Wife-Less” and “Husband-Less” marriage.. That’s because the man and the woman play an equal role.. They both go earn the bucks and also take care of the household. And boy does that make me glad that I was born in this generation..
A month or two after I had finished reading this book, Kunal proposed, and I couldn’t have been happier to have read this book since it freed me of the negativity in some ways and also restored some faith in Marriage. I was able to embrace the engagement with an open heart and truly feel fortunate for having found someone like him..
This morning Brij asked me to check out the new redone video of “Mile Sur Mera Tumhara”. If you grew up in India, specially in the 90s, you probably know the original by heart, which was sung in 10 or so languages. It has a lot of memories attached to a lot of us because we watched it on TV almost everyday and sang along.. The new video called “Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara” includes new flavors acquired by India in the last 20 years, and the music is very indicative of it.. I, particularly, loved the music and how it maintained the classical elements, but enhanced with the more popular ones..
Another great thing was that it felt like a Gen-Next video, where we saw a lot of the second generation musicians/actors, such as Sarod Maestro Amjad Ali Khan and his sons, and Santoor Maestro Pt Shiv Kumar Sharma with his son, and obviously Amitabh with Abhishek.. It was quite interesting to see that the skills have not gotten lost with the previous generation, but have carried over..
However, I did feel that it was very Bollywood heavy, and was also missing a lot of key Indians, such as Sachin, Dhoni, Dravid.. Which made it waver from the original purpose of the song, which is uniting the several sub-cultures and languages of India, and reminding everyone that we are all Indians first.. With that, I wish everyone a Happy Republic Day, and hope you enjoy the video..
Last weekend I finally saw the new movie Precious.. The movie was amazing, and left quite an impression on me.. So much that I couldn’t get it out of my mind for hours after watching it, and had to distract myself by reading me some Twilight Eclipse.. At least those monsters were fictional and I could feel better about never running into them, but the monsters in “Precious” were so real that I dreamt of them 2 nights in a row.. I think it is kind of making me uncomfortable right now thinking about it but I really want to write this..
The monsters I talk about were the parents of this 16-year old girl named Precious. Her own father had been molesting/raping her since she was 3 years old, and now she was pregnant with her 2nd child by her own father. Her mother was the most selfish person I have ever come across because she allowed all that to happen only because she didn’t want “her man” to leave.. She lived on welfare which included her daughter Precious, and her down-syndrome granddaughter who didn’t even live with them. She hated Precious and abused her verbally and physically every single day because she was mad that “her man” didn’t love her anymore because of Precious. The most absurd and twisted reason ever. This woman suffered with such insecurity that she never left her house, and just sat home all day watching TV and eating. She forced Precious to eat more and more so that she would be fat and “her man” wouldn’t find her attractive anymore..
Have you guys had enough? I have.. I can’t write anymore but I do want to say that I have never known anyone even close to this woman. Comparing her to my own mother is quite ridiculous but I have been thinking about this since I watched the movie. The circumstances being quite similar, my mother never relied on charity, and made selfless and intelligent choices for both my brother and I. She moved to Delhi after my Dad’s death with not much to support us, started a new life, and gave us the best upbringing I could ask for. In a teacher’s income, she gave Brij and I everything we could have ever asked for. Maybe not all the super luxuries that some of my wealthy schoolmates enjoyed.. But, much more than you could imagine.. The best clothes, the best knowledge, the best etiquette, and the best discipline – to make us who we are today. She made another very selfless decision to come to the US at the age of 45 and get another Masters degree to support our dreams and goals. Today when I look at where I have come and what I have achieved, I know I could have never done this without her making those selfless choices. When I look at all she did for us compared to Precious’ mom, I do really think of myself as the most fortunate ever. I really am PRECIOUS.
The horror that took place in Mumbai last year was another Terrorist Attack that left me thinking why.. I grieved the loss of the unfortunate Mumbaites but I had been through this once, remember.. It was the same thing when 9/11 happened. I was trying to get out of DC, so in case they did hit the Capitol 2 blocks away, I could save myself.. I had called all my friends and family in DC/NYC to make sure they were okay, and I did the same last year on 26/11 in Mumbai.. But, this video I am sharing is different, and so strange, because to hear the terrorists and their controllers talk in a language I understand, makes me feel really weird.. To hear them talk in a casual tone directing the gunmen to kill people, sounds like someone giving driving directions..
I had always thought that Terrorists were fanatics, and that they really believed in what they were fighting for.. Yes their approach to kill people was the worst, but somehow I thought they were fighting for something.. But after watching this video, and listening to the people controlling the killing, it sounds like nothing but something they enjoy doing.. It was as if making people fear them, or “khauf” as they refer to it, is their only goal. But that’s a pointless goal. How does that get them anything they want? Or am I really missing something obvious? If they want land (Kashmir), or money, or something else, then that would still make sense to me, but to want others to fear you is a very strange thing to want.. Well maybe that’s why they are called “Terrorists”..
Listening to one of the captured gunmen, reminded of the reality. The reality of millions of poor, illiterate people that live in both India and Pakistan, and are manipulated to think that their only way out is to kill.. That dying for your religion is the only way to achieve heaven.. For such people who have undying faith in God, who believe that only God controls their fate, this must be an easy sell.. Just kill some “Non-Believers” and then die, and you will be a martyr in the eye of God, and that will get you to heaven..
This is a bone-chilling video documentary with never before seen material.. But its very sad.. Its very sad for the people who died including the gunmen because they were so vulnerable that they couldn’t see what they were doing, and that they will never make it heaven (if there is such thing)..
I was just shopping around online on Gilt and came across a Phulkari Jacket by Alexander McQueen.. Phulkari is an ancient embroidery technique from the land of Punjab in India.. Literally meaning “flower working”.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phulkari The jacket is beautiful but I think quite overpriced..
My mom bought me a Phulkari Bagh (a large scarf) last year which I am under strict instruction not to use until I get married.. LOL It is supposed to be traditional wedding gift from the bride’s mom..
I am no fashion expert, but I do keep my eyes open for new collections via a few Fashion Blogs.. And here’s something that caught my attention. In his 2009 Fall Collection which he launched yesterday, Elie Saab used all white, and when asked why that was the choice, he said..
“This collection sends a message out to women that their character is more important than colour”..
Yesterday on 07/07/09, I completed 10 long years of being the US, and 10 long years of having left India.. The reason I state both facts is because it was a day of mixed feelings.. Looking back at these 10 years in the US, I see how much I have grown, the ups and downs of life that I went through, and moments when I didn’t think I would make it, but still did.. The friendships, and relationships.. Some that still live on, and some that got left some where on the way.. The only things that stayed throughout these 10 years would be my spirit and my mom and brother.. But, at the same time I can’t help feel the pain of not being in India, and that attachment that is not really for the family or the friends there but simply to the country I grew up in, flourished in, and the culture that still lives very strongly in me..
